Motherhood and parenting in general have their perks, and one of them is all of the funny things your children say when they’re growing up that you can later put into an album labeled Funny quotes for kids so you can reminisce.
And you’d be surprised just how many funny quotes for kids there are in the world.
Sometimes, our sweet little angels share such pearls of wisdom that it’s absolutely hilarious.
They say some of the darndest things thanks to their youthful innocence, and some of the funniest moments in your life as a new mom will end up being the things your child has said.
Some of these quotes are simply funny, so much so that they’ll make you laugh out loud, some are very inspirational quotes, while others can even be classified as life quotes when they make you think about stuff.
But whether they’re funny sayings or clever parenting memes depicting #momlife, one thing is for sure.
They’re light-hearted and are meant to serve as a little pick-me-up for when we’re feeling down or after a day of hard work.
Some funny stuff to look forward to when we go through a bit of a rough time and to help remind us where our priorities and values should lie.
So, with that said, here are some of the funniest quotes you’ll encounter online – with pics included.
100 Funny Quotes For Kids
1. If I ever go missing, please follow my kids. They can find me, no matter where I try to hide.
2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The mom in E.T. had an alien living in her house for days and didn’t notice.
3. “It’s not about how tired you are. It’s about how tired you’re making everyone else.” – A husband explaining bedtime to the kids
4. 6-year old: Why am I sick?
Parent: You have a virus.
6-year old: No, why am I sick now? It’s not a school day. That virus needs a calendar.
5. “Dear math, grow up and solve your own problems.” – HaHa
6. Keep looking up, there may be a rainbow waiting for you.
7. “When I’m too big for you to hold, I’ll hold you instead.” – Ashlyn, age 5
8. “If you listen very quietly, it sounds like the rain is playing music in the grass and the trees.” – Gideon, age 6
9. Graham: Everyone in my class wants to be a doctor.
Mom: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Graham: A cheetah. Or a pig.
10. “I really love being human, but some days I really wish I could be a fairy.” – Greta, age 4
11. “Mommy, I’m not joking, I’m not kidding, and I’m not playing. I NEED chocolate!” – Sophia, age 3
12. “Fog is just clouds that have fallen down.” – Dylan, age 4
13. “Ow! My eye! I didn’t know where my hand was going. I thought it wanted to rest behind my head but it wanted to poke me in the eye.” – Gabriel, age 4
14. It was fun being famous on my birthday .
15. “Mommy, I love you. When monsters come, I will save you.” – Solomon, age 4
16. “What if the police lied and turned on the siren, but he was just going to get a taco for lunch?” – Jonah, age 8
17. “I better go to bed now. I have a dream locked up in my heart that I need to let out.” – Greta, age 4
18. “I really wish I had some yoga pants even though I really don’t do yoga . Kind of like you, mom…” – Hannah, age 6
19. Ashlyn, age 6: “Mommy, guess what?”
Ashlyn: “I just love you.”
20. “Are we taking the stairs or the alligator?” – Royal, age 4
21. Mom: Good morning! Do you need a hug?
Erik: Actually, I need pancakes and not this hug.
22. Mom: “Henry, you can come down out of time-out now.”
Henry, age 3: “No thanks, I’m at the French Revolution.”
23. “Mommy, I wish you were my age so you can be my daughter.” – Marley, age 5
24. “In my heart, I’m still little.” – Jackson, age 9
25. “I think I’m gonna be good for the rest of my life. Well, except when I make mistakes, but we can blame that on my emotions.” – Hannah, age 6
26. Luke: Mom, when was I born?
Mom: February 17th, 2009.
Luke: Hey, that’s my birthday.
27. 4-year-old Auggie in front of boutique display mannequins: “Meet my new family, mom. They are the quiet people.”
28. “Mom, sorry but I accidentally peed behind the toilet and also on that shoe.” – Auggie, age 4
29. Sick Benji, age 3: “Mommy, my nose isn’t working. I need a new one, please.”
30. “If you put duck tape on a chicken, will it fall or do you need chicken tape?” – Dekan, age 7
31. “I’m just gonna give you little kisses because big kisses make you grow and mommies aren’t allowed to grow anymore.” – Brandon, age 3
32. “Mom, stop dancing. Your body looks like it’s falling down!” – Henry, age 4
33. “When I was in the backyard, my sock fell off and went over the fence.” – Owen, age 5
34. Stella bantering with her new stuffed toy: “You don’t like potatoes? I don’t like potatoes too!”
35. “You’re so good at tying shoes, mamma. You’re the best one ever. I think you need a trophy, mamma.” – Kylee, age 3
36. “I think Dr. Seuss’ first name is Arthur. People who write books are arthurs (authors) so his name must be Arthur Seuss.” – Marley, age 4
37. “I never sleep with my mom in her bed because she has really big toots.” – Noah, age 6
38. “Mommy, you never forget things. You always remember that you forgot. So you never really forget.” – Owen, age 5
39. “Can you guess what color I’m thinking of? It starts with a G and it ends with an ‘ish.’ It’s grayish-brownish.” – Owen, age 5
40. “I will miss you while I’m sleeping…” – Bryce, age 4
41. Violet is crying.
Mom: Violet, what’s wrong? Why are you so upset?
Violet: Because I can’t get this shirt to work!
Mom: Violet, honey… You can’t get the shirt to work because they are pants…
42. 2-year-old Ty is pooping on a potty trainer and talking to his poops: “Have fun in the sewer!”
43. “Mom, do snowmen poop? Haha, nevermind that’s silly! They don’t have butts.” – Brandon
44. Country song playing in the room: Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey, whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky.
3-year-old Jack: Mom, whiskey makes babies?!
45. “I wish we were fairies, our life would be easier.” – Peyton, age 5
46. A mom and her daughter Grace are folding clothes. Grace sings: “You gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them…”
47. Caroline: What are taxes?
Mom: Taxes are money we pay to the government.
Mom: Because it’s the law.
Caroline: Oh, that’s silly.
48. “Mom, I want a hot dog. They don’t come from dog though, do they?” – Jace, age 5
49. “Daddy, you tell me a boy story. Maybe you can tell me about ninja turtles. Is there a ninja turtle that likes purple?” – Greta, age 4
50. “Mommy, my cousins were talking girl talk and they said I have to kiss a girl and marry her. I just want to stay with you and daddy!” – Logan, age 4
51. “Mom, I found this piller-piller outside. He doesn’t have any family or friends so he’s going to live with us now.” – Auggie, age 4
52. “Mommy, when I’m old, will I still be your sweet baby boy?” – Graham, age 3
53. 5-year-old Clark gets hurt: “Ouch! Oh, I wish Baymax was here!”
54. Dad: You and me are about to go out and have fun.6-year-old Clark: You and I, Dad.
55. “Mommy, there’s a fly in here on my wall. It was flying by me, so I gave it my tough face.” – Judah, age 2
56. “A B C D E F G H I J K wiggle wiggle P.” – Holly, age 2
57. “Mom, my hair is disaster curly, kind of like yours in your senior picture from that yearbook thing.” – Ella, age 6
58. “I felt like today was going to be a bad Valentine’s Day… since I don’t have a Valentine, but it was actually a pretty good day!” – Hannah, age 6
59. “My daddy works so much because he loves me!” – Brandon, age 3
60. “Mom, button my sweater please. I’m going to go slay a dragon.” – Reese, age 3
61. “Darth Vader is a really crabby guy. I think he lives in Australia.” – Henry, age 3
62. “When the prince came along, Snow White marched at him and yelled at him and said, ‘You are a mystery! Oh, and obey your parents! And you WILL marry me.'” – Vera, age 4
63. 4-year-old Jude looking at the waiter: I love that guy, he called us amigos.
Mom: What does amigos mean, dear?
64. “Did I behave awesome in the store? Even better than dad?” – Ashlyn, age 5
65. “You can make a wish but it’s not magic. People have to make it happen.” – Sawyer, age 9
66. Mom: Tell me about your first day of school.
Dekan: I had to stand in a lot of lines.
67. “Man, those flowers are very good listeners, but they kinda like to beg me for stuff all the time. Like, they beg for bananas!” – Vera, age 4
68. 3-year-old Stella is eating sugary treats: “Mom! The sugar bugs in my mouth are laughing so hard right now!”
69. 6-year-old Hannah: It feels like nighttime came pretty quick today.
Mom: I don’t know about that.
Hannah: Why? Because kids make days go slooowww for their moms?
70. 4-year-old Clark: Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. Catch a tiger by his toe. You’re gonna be the one to be hit by a train.
Dad: Well THAT came out of left field!
71. “Why’d you make the dog get fixed? Now he’s never going to get a wife.” – Hannah, age 6
72. “I wish that I was a doggie, but I’m not. I’m a two-year-old big sister!” – Madeline, age 2
73. “Dearest mom, I will love you until the moon is on fire, until the rivers stop flowing, until sharks live in ponds, until a fart can reach 500 miles, until dragons are real. Happy Mother’s Day !” – Aki, age 6
74. Movie attendant: Have a good time watching your movie!
Child: Oh, we will! My mom’s bag is full of snacks and candy!
75. I want a new mommy and daddy who don’t make mistakes. Like George Washington.
76. Mommy, can you give me one more push on the swing? For America?
77. Mommy, who’s your friend Prosecco that you keep talking about?
78. Mom: What should we get Grandma for Mother’s Day?
Son: She’s not a mom, she’s a grandma.
Mom: She’s a mom. She’s your father’s mom.
Son: Well, that sounds like it’s his problem.
79. 3-year-old child: Mommy, I need to wear my goggles so I don’t have to see people.
Mom: Grab me a pair too.
80. 4-year-old child: I’m kind and nice, Mommy. And you’re kind and nice.
Mom: Aww, thank you!
4-year-old child: No, no, I said you’re kind of nice.
81. Mom: I’m so lucky to be your mom.
6-year-old child: I’m so lucky to have so many LEGOs.
82. 5-year-old son picking up a bra: “Mom, there’s your boob clothes!”
83. “I pledge allegiance to the flag of Captain America.” – Isla, age 3
84. Mom: It’s going to be a little chilly today, buddy, so you’re going to have to wear pants.
2-year-old Cohen Micah: *Gasp!* Did my shorts grow?!
85. “The pterodactyl’s nose protects him from ‘creditors.'” – Andrew, age 4
86. 4-year-old Avery knocks on an apple: “Helloo? Helloooo? I think this is a calapitter’s house, mom!”
87. “I wasn’t hitting Brady, I was just loving him with my boot!” – Claire, age 4
88. Erik: Mom, I need a phone.
Mom: You can have a phone when you’re 12. Besides, who do you need to call?
Erik: Well, The Ghostbusters.
89. “Mom, I really shouldn’t have to pick up the play-doh. You’re the one who took it out of the container.” – Riverlyn, age 4
90. “Someone in mommy’s phone just made her very angry.” – Maddie, age 5
91. Millie: Who’s coming over today?
Mom: Nobody… why?
Millie: Well, you only vacuum when somebody is coming over!
92. “My tummy does growl sometimes. It’s a soft sound like a cloud getting mad.” – Kailey, age 5
93. “If I wasn’t here, you wouldn’t be having this much fun or this much drama.” – Ashlyn, age 7
94. “If peanut butter cups were alive, I’d marry them.” – Peyton, age 7
95. “Black Friday is all about pushing people around with elbows.” – Isabella, age 4
96. “Mom, I’m getting a cold… or a flute!” – Clara, age 4
97. “Am I five now? I don’t feel any different. Oh, except for my back. My back feels like six.” – Maia, age 5
98. “Okay, self. Do you want to have a fun day or a bad day? Your choice.” – Kylee, age 5
99. “It’s not my bedtime. I’m a scientist and science doesn’t sleep.” – Kylie, age 6
100. 6-year-old Tripp: If I ever run for president, I’m going to vote for my opponent.
As you can see, there are a lot of funny kids out there at times and their kids’ quotes are going to end up making you LOL at all their silly say-things.
Some funny quotes for kids are meant to be love quotes expressed in their own unique way, while many are simply outbursts of profound and innocent childlike logic.
Just like a funny parenting quote can remind us that parenthood has its hilarious moments, so it is when your child shares a funny meme or cracks a witty one-liner to brighten your day.
Cute and funny quotes for kids aren’t that hard to figure out. You’re likely to be recording everything your kids say and do in this modern age anyway.
Just remember, don’t use these quotable moments to make fun of your kids, but to remember the light-hearted moments that made you all giggle.
That way, you won’t discourage your child from staying curious and asking further questions.
Plus, you’re more likely to be met with a ton more funny quotes for kids and relatable memes that you can post on Tumblr, Pinterest, or other social media.
And other moms can leave Hahaha or So true! when they realize that their child isn’t so different in his daily shenanigans.
Do you have any favorite funny quotes from your own kids that you want to share? Feel free to send them my way and we’ll see what we can do about it.
This post contains affiliate links. Please see our full disclosure for more info.