Being a single mom is the hardest job ever. Period. There’s nothing as hard as relying only on yourself and raising kids. That means that you’re completely on your own and dedicated to your kids 24/7.
You’re a full-time mom with no rest, no help, and no giving up. And even if some of your friends or family offer to help with the kids, you’re the only one who stays with them behind closed doors. You struggle to be the best version of yourself every day.
But some days, it’s simply impossible. If you are a single parent, these things will be familiar to you. But if you’re not, read and see what every single mom faces daily.
1. Single mother decision making
When you’re a single parent, you’re the one who makes all the decisions. Everything regarding you and your kids is your call. But what you really need to do is to take care of yourself so you’re better able to take care of your kids as well.
I know that it’s hard to make some tough decisions sometimes, but along the road, you will learn what’s best for you and your kids. Apart from planning it all for your family, you need to have some sort of emotional support.
You need to have someone you’re be able to call and ask for advice. It’s for both your well-being and the well-being of your kids. I know you’ll have a lot of pressure daily but if you have someone you can open up to, it’ll really take the load off.
2. You need to make ends meet
Another struggle of a single mom is making ends meet. Since you’re taking care of the kids and paying all the bills, you need to have strong organization. You need to earn a lot of money and you probably have to work two different jobs if you don’t get any alimony.
Small kids won’t ask a lot, while having teenagers at home is a little different. They regularly ask for cash to go out with their friends, for movies, or go clothes shopping.
And you as a mom can’t say no to them because you want to make them happy all the time. You’d rather buy something for them than for yourself because you know there isn’t enough money for all of you. If you’re not getting the child support, you may have a hard time providing your kids with all they need and want.
The only way to make ends meet is by working two jobs or taking on night shifts. Apart from it being exhausting, you still have to juggle it with quality time with your kids.
3. You don’t have any social life
When you’re a single mother, it’s really hard to have a balanced social life. You spend all your free time with your kids because they only have you. If their father doesn’t want to see them, you’re the one who needs to replace him.
You need to be strong for the both of you and make sure that they feel safe. You’re their only role model, their best friend, and the person they always come to when they have a problem. That’s why it’s so hard to take care of yourself and to have friends you can sometimes let loose with.
You’re under a lot of pressure on a daily basis and you can’t help it. But, please remember that you need to be okay for yourself if you want to be okay for your kids. Figure out a way to steal some time for yourself – it’ll help in the long run, believe me. You’ll feel alive again and it’ll be easier to cope with everyday life problems.
4. Co-parenting is sometimes impossible
When you’re a single mom, you need to take care of your kids and ex who has contact with them. If he is a problematic person but still has the right to see the kids, you need to be extra careful when kids spend time with him.
That can be pretty stressful and you’re always asking yourself if you’re doing all you can to keep them safe. When in this kind of situation, the best thing would be to set some rules with your ex. If he doesn’t accept them, there’s always court to decide about things like that.
Also, for your own sake, you can seek support groups where you’ll find people who are in the same situation as you. Trust me, your daily life will be much better if you have someone to talk to. Emotional support in these cases is the most important,so don’t forget to take care of yourself on the inside too.
5. You always ask yourself if you’re doing a good job
As a single parent, you’re always asking yourself if you’re doing a good job. You’re under a lot of pressure because you’re a full-time mom without someone to constantly be there. Parenting is a job for two and you’re doing it completely solo.
And for that, I congratulate you. Every single mom is a hero to me. And if you’re worrying about whether you’re doing a great job – don’t! I know you do. I know that you sacrifice your life to provide your children with all they need.
Please don’t forget that raising children is the most demanding job of them all and you should be proud of yourself for all the good work you’re doing.
6. Dating a single parent is not for everybody
Most single moms have a hard time finding a romantic partner. Not all men are strong enough to accept you and your kids. Some of them try it but somewhere along the road they figure out that they can’t do it.
You can start a new life with someone who has been through the same things as you or with someone who is strong enough to accept the whole package. I believe that it all lies in good organization – that you can dedicate your time to yourself and to your partner as well.
You also need to be careful when choosing a person who’ll be a father figure to your kids. It’s not easy to bring someone into your children’s lives just like that. They need to first get to know the person well before they start trusting him.
You also need to develop trust in him because you’ve been broken and hurt before and you don’t want it to happen again. Only then can you think of living together and sharing everything.
7. You’re constantly tired
As a single mom, you’re often faced with being tired to the bone. You actually don’t have anyone to help you raise your children and you’re doing whatever needs to be done alone. This is one of the downsides of single motherhood.
You need to take kids to school or kindergarten, pick them up, cook for them, and finish homework with them. After you put them to bed, you barely have any energy to take a shower. And the worst part is that it doesn’t stop when you’re sick. Even if you have a fever, you still need to do all those things alone.
Maybe your family or friends help you out a bit, but it’s all up to you at the end of the day. You take care of the entire household and you have so little time to dedicate to yourself.
But it all pays off when your kids hug you and tell you they love you. It all makes sense at that one moment. And you don’t regret any of your sacrifices because they really paid off.
8. People judge you
As a single mom who handles everything on your own, you catch some attention. People ask you different questions and want to know why you got divorced and what happened with your marriage.
And that sucks. You feel like a black sheep and that you did something wrong by getting divorced. To be honest, it’s not easy to handle, especially if they judge your kids as well. You’re under a lot of pressure because you’ll want to protect your kids from them but you won’t always be there.
That’s why it’s important to teach them to simply cut any conversation on those topics. And you’ll find a way to fight off those nosy people, don’t worry about that.
You have your own life and you can do whatever you want with it. Listening to other people’s opinions is not worth it. Just do what makes you happy and ignore those who deliberately want to hurt you.
9. You’re anxious regarding your kids
When you’re a single mom, you’ll always be anxious about your kids. You’ll be anxious when they spend time with their father because you’re not with them and can’t help them if they need it. You’ll be anxious if they have problems and don’t see a friend in you.
You’re trying to be their best friend and mom all in one, and sometimes it’s hard to find the balance. But the most important thing you need to do is try to relax and be in a good mental state. Because if you don’t have any positive energy, neither will your kids.
It’s normal for moms to worry, but please bear in mind that there are things you can’t affect. Just teach them all that you deem important and let them be independent. That way, they’ll learn early on how to take care of themselves.
10. You sometimes feel you’re not good enough
When you’re having a hard time, you think that life is not fair. You’re all negative because you never imagined that you’d get divorced. You feel that you are one big failure. And it’s completely normal for you to feel this. Every single mom thinks this way. But it’s actually not true.
You’re more than good enough. You’re worthy. You’re imperfectly perfect. And someone will love you for all those things you hate about yourself. Just because one man didn’t treat you the way you deserve, doesn’t mean another one won’t. Always remember that you are worthy and can make any man happy.
Remember that you have your kids and that you’ll never walk alone.
There are so many people who think you’re doing an amazing job, even if they don’t tell it to you every time. Whatever others think, always know that you’re doing a job for two and you’re rocking it!
11. You’re afraid your kids will be traumatized because of your divorce
To be honest, it’s better to have a normal divorce than a catastrophic marriage. Yes, I’m sure your kids will miss their father, but I’m also sure they don’t want to listen to you two arguing and fighting all the time.
Divorce is sometimes the best solution and if you have an ex whom you can talk to normally, your kids won’t suffer. If co-parenting is hard, you can always ask for some legal advice and protect your kids from their father. I know that every mom will do whatever it takes for her kids to be safe.
And I also know how stressful that can be. But if you see that your kids are having a hard time while going through your divorce, find a professional to talk to them and help them through it. Some kids think that they’ll lose a parent just because he isn’t living with them. And that can be a traumatic experience.
But you as a mom will know what your kids need and how you can help them cope with all the changes in the easiest way. Though don’t forget to also take care of yourself because your kids need a happy and satisfied mom.