Self-Control for Moms: 8 Ways to Stay Calm (Instead of Losing Your Cool)
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As a blogger, author, and parenting coach, I have the privilege of speaking to many moms who are on a mission to parent peacefully.
But one area that seems to be particularly challenging for us, is self-control.
Let’s be honest, positive parenting doesn’t come easy some days.
We have the best intentions of gently and tenderly leading our children… Patiently handling any challenge or tantrum that may come our way.
But so many times, our best intentions aren’t enough. We blow up at our kids. Sometimes we lose our cool. We yell. We snap.
Obviously, we don’t want to. We don’t mean to. But self-control? It seems to slip away when stress mounts up and it seems like we can’t help but explode.
And then? Guilt. We feel like a failure and we want to give up.
Eventually, we may abandon the idea of peaceful parenting altogether because it just feels impossible. Friend, it doesn’t have to be this way!
Here are 8 tips for developing self-control so that we can stay calm (and not lose it on our kids!)
8 Tips for Having More Self-Control as a Mom
1. Remember your motivation
Why is it that you want to parent peacefully? How come you don’t want to blow up at your kids? Take a moment and think about what kind of relationship you want with your children 10, 15, even 20 years from now.
When my kids are adults and they reflect back on their childhood, I never want them to doubt that I loved them. I want them to remember me as loving and kind. Not annoyed, angry, or irritable.
On the really hard days, remembering your motivation will keep you going.
Have you ever played a sport or an instrument? I’m sure you’ve been told, “Practice makes perfect!”
Or, have you ever been in a recital or a play? You rehearse again and again. You practice over and over until you’re sick of it.
The same thing is true when it comes to self-control. We must practice.
Whatever we practice is what we do. The more we yell, the more we’ll yell. The more often we explode, the more often we’ll explode.
But thankfully, the opposite is also true. The more we practice a gentle answer, the more natural it will become. When we rehearse a smile and an extra dose of patience, we will give our children kindness.
3. Use positive self-talk
Do you ever find yourself telling yourself things like, “I’m such a terrible mom.” Or, “I’ll always fail at this. It’s hopeless.”
That running dialogue we have in our mind is very powerful. Repeating negative messages over and over again causes us to believe it. When we believe that we can’t tame our temper, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead of allowing these negative thoughts to take root in our hearts, replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.
Replace, “I’m a horrible mother,” with a more positive thought. Such as, “I’m a good mom who is learning and growing every day.”
Replace, “I’m a failure,” with, “I’m not a failure. I’m human.” You get the idea. 🙂